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Some People, Eh?
As those people with a remarkable memory might remember, I have been trying for the last twenty-six days to get my life assurance company, the incredibly crappy Friends Life, formerly Friends Provident, to help me sort out my policies as they have matured. Well, some people there have been having a go at me again 🙁
After many attempts, I managed to contact them again three days ago, and a lovely-sounding young woman looked at my contact record, apologised profusely, Amy Hill was her name, and sent me on my way a happy boy. She promised I would receive paperwork and email versions of the information I require and I have had nothing for the fifth time of asking.
They don’t mind taking the premiums for twenty-five years, but now they don’t want to know.
Don’t some people just make you want to scream: TOSSERS!
As I left my garden by the rear gate this evening on my way to the shop for a pint and a scribble, I saw what looked like a large rat in the grass against a wall opposite me. Now this was strange, because I have never seen a live rat in our village because they tend to live near the rice fields where the food is.
So, I stepped a yard closer and could clearly see that I had mistaken the head of a snake for a rodent. The snake saw me and slithered away. So, I followed as it was not in full flight.
It was four or five feet long, as thick as a wrist and olive green with the criss-cross pattern on it that a reinforced hosepipe has. As I followed it kept moving, but I watched it for about three minutes. I love snakes – from a safe distance.
So, anyway, sitting in the shop drinking my beer, I saw the shopkeeper run across the road and kill something the size of a worm with an eight-foot pole. ‘Bite die’ she explained, so I told her about my snake.
She was suitably impressed and shivered to emphasise it. ‘Poisonous Lion snake’ she suggested.
‘No, they’re grey and shorter, mine was bottle green’.
‘Ah, cobra,’ she said with a nod.
‘No,’ I replied, ‘they are black’.
She nodded, ‘Python?’
‘There are only two species of python in Thailand,’ I said, ‘one is brown and yellow and the other is red-brown and yellow’.
She nodded again.
‘Is it a Lion Snake?’ she asked again.
‘Definitely not,’ I said.
‘Er, um, are you sure it’s not a cobra?’
‘Yes,’ I said and picked my book up again, so I could ignore her.
She is fifty-odd, but any ten-year-old would know that she was speaking rubbish. She’s lovely really, but some people seem to want to get up your nose sometimes…
I just looked it up: a Slender Wolf Snake, but I just showed my wife the photo.
‘Are you kidding? That’s brown not green!’ she insisted.
Nevertheless, it’s green to me, but I know I’m colour-blind on greens, browns and reds.
I gave up.
All the best,
Please visit my bookshop
Podcast: Some People, Eh?