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Swan Inn II

Swan Inn II, Soi Nana, Bangkok

Swan Inn II, Bangkok

I booked the Swan Inn II, Soi Nana, on Agoda from seven hundred kilometres away. I stopped the taxi two hundred yards short at Swan Inn I, and we walked the rest of the way after my error had been pointed out to us.

Our room was ready, clean and larger than I had expected, but when i asked where the balcony was that I had booked (and paid for), the owner told us that we didn’t want a balcony because they only attracted dust!

The balcony had actually been a free incentive to book, and i wasn’t that bothered, but two hours later, we were offered a ‘larger room’ – presumably one with a balcony. My wife and daughter turned it down.

However, she decided to stay with us, so we ordered an extra bed. It was a surprise to see a thin mattress on the floor when we got in that night and even worse, the owner hassled us all the next day for the extra, even though we were booked in for three more nights.

That first night, I had a beef burger in the restaurant on the ground floor. It was all right, but not really to be called a beef burger. The second night, I ordered another, but it was not recognizable as a beef burger. It was wafer-thin and irregularly shaped.

Last night, I tried the third option, a hamburger with cheese. I would just love to witness the reaction of a dozen drunken Americans to what I was served – a cob (bun) with a slice of processed, cheese, a slice of pressed ham and a slice of onion. All raw – not even warned up! It was easily the worst burger i have ever had anywhere in the world.

My wife and daughter joined me last night and order two traditional Thai dishes, but they were too awful to eat, and my wife is pretty easy-going.

When we got in, the room had not been cleaned, although the towels had been changed and there were three small bottles of water outside the door.

I went down for a beer at three today. At four a waitress took my empty bottle away and i said ‘Yes, please’. An hour later, I was still waiting, so i spoke up. “The beer is finished”, said the girl. The charge to drink a large Chang in the hotel is 140 Baht; the 7/11, ten metres away, sells them chilled for fifty each, so why wouldn’t they just go and buy me two until the dray arrived?

Your guess is as good as mine, but my gut feeling is that they just don’t give a rat’s.

I might stay there again, if desperate, but the two ladies never would. In fact, we are moving to our daughter’s small flat tomorrow to sleep on the floor. I’m looking forward to it.

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All the best,

+Owen Jones

Podcast: Swan Inn II, Bangkok